The Most Common Problem
“When working with couples, what is the one problem you encounter most often?” That’s a question periodically posed to me in social settings, and it’s an easy question to answer.
With almost every couple I see, “thinking and speaking” on one another’s behalf nearly always arises. You know what that’s like, just when you’re ready to answer a question someone, usually your spouse, answers for you. Or, worse yet, someone tells you directly what “you think.” You know this is happening when someone begins saying to you, “You think…” How does that person know what you think if you haven’t told them? This behavior is not only disrespectful, but it’s a serious detriment to good communication in any relationship.
The Bible encourages us to prioritize listening while noting the dangers of our unbridled tongues. Yet, we are so bent on speaking we often miss out on hearing the beauty within the hearts of those we love.
It’s strangely simple, yet maddeningly difficult, this principle of listening first and speaking later. But if we learn to “die” to our own desire to be heard in order to serve others through listening, I guarantee relationships will improve and less time will be spent in counseling offices.